Find out if you could be a foster carer
In a few simple questions, you’ll know if you’re suitable to apply to become a foster carer.
Visiting Sri Lanka in the wake of the 2004 Indian Ocean tsunami changed Renee and Jacqueline forever. The couple were so moved by the plight of people whose lives had been devastated by the disaster that it altered their whole outlook on life.
Renee said: “The orphanages were full to overflowing, there was devastation everywhere, many people had lost everything and yet they were full of love. This experience profoundly affected us. We came back to the UK thinking ‘We want to give something back, to help our community’. We began talking about fostering. It was 2007 and, back then, we weren’t sure if we’d be eligible to foster as we’re a same-sex couple. We began making enquiries with the Local Authority and independent fostering agencies and we were relieved to learn that this wasn’t an issue and we’d be welcome to apply. Adoption was also an option but we felt that fostering would enable us to care for more children and so we chose to foster.”
Training and support
Renee and Jacqueline met with a number of different fostering agencies and the Local Authority before making their decision. Jacqueline explained:
“We wanted to know about the support we’d receive from them and the training they offered. That was really important for us. I was a Montessori teacher at the time and Renee had previously trained as a nurse so we knew the importance of having good skills. We recognised that every child is unique and that most children coming into care had experienced some degree of trauma. We wanted to be able to respond effectively to that. In the end, we chose Fostering Solutions – part of National Fostering Group – because they provided the highest level of support and training.”
That was 16 years ago. Renee and Jacqueline have never regretted their decision to choose Fostering Solutions and even after all this time, they are continuing to learn and refine their skills. They believe that learning is an important and ongoing, part of fostering.
Open and honest conversations
The approval process to become foster carers was in-depth and, in Renee and Jacqueline’s case, it took more than a year (although the process is far more streamlined now and normally completed within a few months). In spite – or maybe because – of its rigour, the approvals process served to strengthen their relationship. “It made us have open and honest conversations about our own strengths and weaknesses, about which children we felt able to support and which we didn’t. It was a really important part of the process,” said Jacqueline.
A wonderful start to the journey
They were approved in 2008 and within a month they had their first foster children – a group of three Nigerian siblings. Renee said: “They came from a very different culture to ours and had a very different diet, even their haircare products were different. It was a steep learning curve but it immediately cemented our love for fostering. They were with us for 13 weeks and it was a wonderful start to the journey as our home was suddenly full of laughter and joy. We treated them like family and so did our friends and family. It’s been our ethos ever since however long a foster child stays with us – whether it’s a few days, months or years.”
Our family is complete
Since 2008, the couple has cared for more than 30 foster children, including providing respite care and both short-term and long-term fostering. Two of their current foster children – now aged 15 and 17 – have been with them for more than 12 years. And Renee and Jacqueline have also adopted their daughter, who is now 15. Renee explained:
“She came to us as a foster child when she was 16 weeks old. By the age of two, she was to be put up for adoption and we just knew we had to try and adopt her. It felt like she was a mini-me of the two of us. The adoption process was not easy but, eventually, we were approved. We tell her she grew in our hearts rather than our tummies and she has made our family complete.”
So many highs
There have been so many highs in their fostering journey that it is hard to quantify them but seeing a child return home to their birth family when these families have worked hard to make improvements or seeing them be adopted by a loving family is one of the biggest. Ironically, this is also one of the toughest aspects of fostering, as Jacqueline explained:
“It really hurts when they leave but you have to realise that your job as a foster carer is to be there for the time being, to meet their needs as best you can while they are with you and then to let them go. To anyone who is considering fostering I’d say ‘You need to be realistic about this. If you don’t become attached to the children you’re probably not doing it right but learning to let go is a key part of being a foster carer.
Your heart never hardens but it heals
“It’s also a sad fact that not all stories end in a positive way – sometimes a decision is made that you don’t agree with but you have to be able to accept this, even though it’s really hard. Our daughter often gets very attached to the foster children and it can be tough for her when they go. It’s also hard when a child really doesn’t want to be here and just wants to go home to their parents. Your heart never hardens to these experiences but it heals and you become more resilient.”
To anyone who is considering fostering, Renee and Jacqueline’s advice is to enquire and to do your homework. Renee said: “When you first meet up with a prospective fostering agency, bear in mind you’re interviewing them as much as they’re interviewing you. Be open and honest about what you feel able to deal with and what you’re not. You have to be able to feel comfortable and confident to work with them in the long term.”
We feel very lucky
Jacqueline added: “You get so much out of fostering. I wouldn’t change it for the world, it’s a blessing that we get to do this and see the children develop and grow. We feel very lucky. People sometimes think they can’t foster because of things like their religion or the fact that they’re single or living in rented accommodation, or things like that. None of this is true. The UK desperately needs more foster carers and people from all kinds of backgrounds are welcome. We are a Jewish couple, but we care for children who are Christian and Muslim and non-denominational. We celebrate many different religious festivals in our home and it is a joyful experience.”
