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Fostering is something of a family affair for Rhiannon. Her parents began fostering with National Fostering Group 14 years ago. Her uncle also joined the agency and a year ago Rhiannon decided the time was right for her, too.
Birth children
Rhiannon and husband, Mark have two birth children – a daughter of 10 and a son, 14. Although she could see the amazing difference her parents and uncle made to the foster children in their care, Rhiannon admits that she was always “on the fence” about the idea of becoming a foster carer herself. She was concerned about how her son and daughter might react to having other children living with them, particularly her daughter who had a very close bond with Rhiannon.
Fostering support network
In 2022, Rhiannon’s parents needed someone to care for their foster children one weekend so they could go away. Rhiannon readily agreed. Although she was part of her parents’ support network and would often pick the children up from school and babysit, this would be the first time they’d stay overnight. As is standard practice, the supervising social worker came to meet the family to complete the relevant checks.
The house felt flat and empty
Rhiannon says:
“She noticed we had two spare rooms and asked if we’d ever considered fostering. I told her ‘yes, but I wasn’t sure how it might impact my birth children’. But, after that weekend, when the foster children left, the house just felt flat and empty. I chatted to my mum about it and I met up with the supervising social worker again and we talked more about applying to become foster carers.”
A big decision
It was not the family’s first experience of being around foster children. From the age of nine months, Rhiannon and Mark’s son had spent time with a little boy who was being fostered by his grandparents. They became very close until the little boy left just before his third birthday. When Rhiannon and Mark’s daughter was born, Rhiannon’s parents were fostering siblings. They stayed with the family for eight years, so she never knew a time when they weren’t part of her grandparents’ household. Nevertheless, it was a big decision to decide to become a fostering family and Rhiannon, Mark and their children spent time discussing it before deciding to proceed.
They just needed love
They began the application process with National Fostering Agency, part of National Fostering Group, in January 2023, and went to panel in August that year. The two children were actively involved throughout and were given the space to talk about any concerns and express their preferences.
Rhiannon says:
“My daughter was adamant she didn’t want any babies but, when it came to it, our first foster children were a little boy of nearly two and his sister who was 11. They came to us as an emergency placement. I explained to my daughter that they just needed love and warmth and security. She was fine about it and, when she met them, she could see that he wasn’t a newborn but someone she could play with and interact with. The siblings stayed with us for nearly a year. It was a fantastic experience for all of us and my daughter, in particular, was really hands-on, helping out. It made a big difference to her confidence.”
Doing something worthwhile
Although it was hard for the family when the foster children left, seeing the difference they’d made to the children’s lives made it all worthwhile. Rhiannon explains:
“When they first came to us, the little boy wouldn’t really interact and would barely open his eyes. He was very nervous and was non-verbal, crying a lot. By the time they left, he was full of confidence, happy, playing with toys and he’d hit every one of his two-year milestones. His sister used to shut herself away in her bedroom when her baby brother cried as she couldn’t handle it. By the time they left, she’d developed more of an understanding of him and used to say ‘he’s not depressed any more, he’s much happier’. She was doing well at school and felt comfortable to confide in us. It was such a shift.”
The siblings moved on to live with family members. Rhiannon and Mark are still in contact and say “we love them like they are our own, but it is good that they can live with a family member now, without the involvement of social workers every couple of weeks”. The girl and their daughter became very close and message often, as well as video calling.
Part of the family
The family continues to provide emergency fostering and is awaiting the arrival of new foster children – a brother and sister, aged 10 and seven who will arrive in the next few weeks. Rhiannon says:
“I’ve already asked if we can get photos of them printed off and incorporated into our photo wall in the sitting room so they feel like part of the family when they arrive.”
Theirs is a busy life and hectic at times, but Rhiannon wouldn’t have it any other way. She says:
“My only regret is that we didn’t do it sooner. For me, it’s bringing children into our home and doing what we can to give them a good start in life. It’s such a rewarding thing to do. I meet up with my supervising social worker and another foster carer every month and we run through the induction framework. It’s helpful to talk things through and find out how other people deal with things. My mum’s my go-to for advice if the supervising social worker isn’t available because she’s so experienced. When I did the Foundations to Foster training, I remember thinking every one of the scenarios they described, she’d dealt with.”
Fostering is a privilege
Before they began fostering, Rhiannon and Mark had been concerned about the possible impact on their birth children. So, how do they feel about this now?
Rhiannon says:
“We were full of ‘what ifs’ before we did it, but now I can see that fostering has had a great impact on my children; it’s brought out the best in them and I’m so proud of the way they are. I was particularly worried about my daughter as she was concerned about sharing me but she’s been amazing, treating the foster children like her own brothers and sisters.”
To would-be foster carers, she has this message:
“Go for it. You might be surprised by what happens. Fostering is such a privilege, even going through the assessment process is a good experience. And when you’re approved, it’s someone saying ‘yes, you’ve got what it takes to look after vulnerable children’. That’s such great feedback. I give myself to things 100%. I’ve always been like that. And now I’m a foster carer 100%.”
