Menu
Close Menu

Why I love being a respite foster carer – Stephen’s story

Thursday 30 January 2025

As he approached retirement, Stephen began wondering how he would occupy his time. He found the prospect of “rattling around alone in a 4-bedroomed house” unappealing and, at 68, felt that he still had a lot to offer.

Stephen had raised his two boys alone after they lost their mother at an early age. It had been a busy – and sometimes challenging – family life, with competing demands and long days. Stephen worked full-time as Head of Safety and Statutory Compliance for a major retailer with a team that reported to him. Thanks to the support of his two older sisters he was able to juggle home and work life, but Stephen regretted not being able to spend as much time with his children as he’d have liked when they were growing up.

Inspired

One day while he was in a charity shop Stephen spotted a poster about becoming a foster carer. “It got me thinking and then, while I was walking through the town centre, I passed the offices of Fostering Solutions. On the spur of the moment I went in. I didn’t know anything about the difference between Local Authority fostering or fostering for an independent agency at that point, I was just inspired by having seen the poster and the idea that I might be able to look after children again without the competing demands of a busy full-time job.

“I registered my interest, expecting that it might take a few weeks. Of course, it takes much longer. Applying to become a foster carer is an intensive process – and rightly so – and I found myself talking about my own childhood and upbringing, as well as my experience of raising a family.”

“It could easily have been me”

Stephen is one of seven siblings. His father died when he was 10 and his mother five years later. Stephen said:

“I could easily have ended up in the care system myself but when my mum died, I was able to move into a flat with my two older brothers. They looked after me and I started working full-time at age 16. The idea of being able to foster vulnerable young people in care really appealed to me because it could so easily have been me. And, similarly, when my boys were young and we lost their mum, things might have taken a different course. I felt a lot of empathy for young people in care and wanted to give something back.

“The application process took four months in the end but even before it had finished, I signed up with the local college for short courses in Caring for Children and Young People, Understanding Child and Young Peoples’ Mental Health, Managing Adverse Behaviour and Autism. This was viewed very positively when I went to panel and I was approved in early 2024.”

Respite foster care

Stephen is approved to foster up to three children, aged from 0-18. After discussing the range of different types of fostering with Fostering Solutions, part of National Fostering Group, he decided to become a respite foster carer. Stephen explained why:

“Respite foster carers do a really important job, providing foster care at short notice in emergencies and also planned respite sleepovers which gives foster carers and foster children some time out from each other when they need it. This allows foster carers to rest and recharge their batteries and can sometimes help to prevent a placement from breaking down. From my perspective, respite foster caring is ideal as it gives me the flexibility to enjoy my retirement. If I need time away, I can take it, although I now have children who come to me regularly and I recognise that I play an important role in their life and the need to be as consistent as I can. As a respite carer, I might be a part of a child’s life for many years, so I do get to form long-term bonds with some children. Over the last eight months, since I was approved as a respite foster carer, I’ve cared for 15 children, five of whom I now see on a regular basis.”

Satisfying and rewarding

Stephen describes his decision to become a foster carer as “the most satisfying and rewarding experience ever”. He said “Sometimes a child’s behaviour can be challenging but it is their way of communicating something and you have to use your detective skills to try and work out what. I do daily diaries for each child and, over time, you can sometimes identify certain patterns or triggers. Fostering Solutions runs regular support groups and I have a great Supervising Social Worker, so there is always someone I can talk to if I need advice or support.”

Every day is a learning day

He encourages would-be foster carers to enquire and is a particular advocate of respite foster caring. He said:

“You get the best of both worlds as a respite carer – you can choose when you want to foster and how long for and you can take a break if you need it. I enjoy having a mix of children who come to me regularly for respite sleepovers, alongside emergency placements. It’s very varied. With the foster children who come every month, I can talk to their regular foster carer and find out things like what they like to eat, the things they enjoy, how they are at home, stuff like that. The training is good and there’s always someone I can turn to for support or advice.

“It’s early days for me but already I have learned so much. Fostering has taught me patience, empathy and how important it is to stick with it. I’m doing lots of things I wouldn’t normally do and I’m loving it. It is a complicated but fascinating journey and every day is a learning day.”

If you’re unsure whether you’re eligible, try our Can I Foster? tool, which answers common questions about suitability to foster, based on a personalised Q and A style format. The outcome might surprise you! If you’re ready to chat with one of our fostering advisors, contact your local team.

 

Close
Close
Find out if you could be a foster carer
Find out if you could be a foster carer
In a few simple questions, you’ll know if you’re suitable to apply to become a foster carer.