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Fostering Has Given Us a Purpose

Thursday 26 January 2023

“When we first saw the preliminary report on our foster daughter, her class teacher had written ‘I’d have 30 like her in my class if I could’. She was clearly doing so well at school, we realised that she probably just needed more love and stability at home. She was 10 at the time, and she’d been in six or seven different foster homes and was then in a residential children’s home. She needed to feel she belonged somewhere, that someone wanted her. She’s got that now and she’s thriving.” – Vicky, foster carer

Foster mum, walking with her son and foster daughter.

Vicky and Ian were approved as foster carers with Fostering Solutions in February 2021. They had first started thinking about fostering when their son, Jordan, who had cystic fibrosis, was 10, but decided against it as he needed their full attention as he was so unwell. Jordan sadly died when he was 20. After a period of ill health that started in 2018, Vicky and Ian began to think again about fostering in 2019.

Vicky explained:

“Ian had a stroke and couldn’t return to his work as a taxi driver, which meant he would be at home full-time. I work as an Operating Department Practitioner in the hospital and one day I was talking to a lady who fostered a little girl alongside her own little girl. I hadn’t realised that you could foster long-term – one of the things that had always worried us about fostering was wondering how we would cope with children coming and going.”

When we found this out, it felt like it was now or never.

This Is Your Life

Vicky and Ian chose Fostering Solutions because friends who fostered were with them and spoke highly of the agency. The applications process happened during lockdown, which meant it was all done online and via Teams. Vicky said:

“It took around nine months in total. It was a really interesting process. They went into everything, including things about our own childhoods and time at school. At times it felt a bit intrusive, but we know that everything has to be checked and gone into and we had nothing to hide – we’ve been together since we were at school and married nearly 30 years. At the end of it we had a big red book, like This Is Your Life.”

A difficult start

Vicky and Ian’s first foster child – a girl of 10 – arrived on Good Friday 2021. It was a difficult start as the little girl used to get angry, swear a lot and try to run away.

“It was quite overwhelming at first,” admitted Vicky, “but we decided we’d deal with it as we would have done with our own son. We wanted to help her to feel settled and loved. She’s been with us nearly three years now and she’s become much calmer and happier. She goes to the same school our son used to attend and she has a 100% attendance record. She loves school. Her behaviour has completely changed, too – now she is polite and helpful and has lovely manners. We still have the occasional blip if something upsets her, but she knows how to calm herself down – sitting in the snug and doing maths or colouring in.”

We’re learning about her and she’s learning about us and about herself.

Therapeutic Parenting

Fostering Solutions have provided Therapeutic Parenting training which Vicky and Ian have found really helpful, not least because it validated many of the approaches they were already using as well as teaching them some new ones.

Prior to being with Vicky and Ian, the longest time their foster child had been in one home was two years. Vicky said:

“We’ve told her she can stay with us as long as she wants to, she will always have a home with us. I think because of her past experiences, she still thinks she might have to go but she won’t.”

Part of the family

Fostering proved more challenging than Vicky and Ian expected, particularly at the start. But their determination to stick with it no matter what and their commitment to help their foster child feel settled is paying dividends. The family bulldog plays an important role in this too, helping their foster daughter to calm down if she becomes upset. Vicky said:

“Our foster daughter is very much part of the family, we have so much fun together. At Christmas, the whole family came over and we hosted our own Christmas market in the garden with hot chocolate, hot dogs, a firepit and presents.

“Fostering has given us so much, it has given us a purpose. Our Supervising Social Worker has been amazing – always there for us if there’s anything we need – and the Therapeutic Parenting training has really helped us to understand how to deal with difficult situations. I would say to anyone who thinks they might have the time, patience and love to foster, do it. There are so many children out there who need love and stability and another chance, and it is such a rewarding thing to do.”

Can I Foster?

If you feel inspired, find out more using our Can I Foster? tool or get in touch. As our foster carers say, it’s one of the most rewarding and fulfilling things you can do.

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