Saying goodbye: How do I tell my foster child that they are moving to a new home/leaving my care?

There are many reasons why a child’s time with you might be coming to an end. They might be leaving care, going back to their birth parent’s home, or joining their siblings who may be living with a different foster family. The best way to tell them is to sit down with them as soon as possible and be honest. In an ideal world, you should tell them the dates they are leaving so they can prepare and not be in the unknown. They will feel respected and learn valuable lessons from being told the truth in a kind, and open manner.

It’s a good idea to make sure you’ve got time to sit down with your foster child to explain what’s happening, why they are moving, what the next steps are and what it means for their future.

Once you’ve discussed the logistics and the “why’s” – you should allow them time to ask questions and express how they feel about the situation. Your foster child may feel all sorts of emotions ranging from unsettled, worried, excited, upset, or totally indifferent depending on their life experiences. Any of these types of reactions can be considered normal, given the circumstances – there’s no right or wrong reaction and it’s important for them to know they can talk openly to you about how they’re feeling. This could also be a good time to ask how they feel about staying in contact (if you also wish to).

Whatever the reason for your foster child moving on, we have a few tips on saying goodbye to your foster child:

• Reach out and seek support either in the form of our 24-hour telephone support, a weekly telephone call, our support groups or even leaning on your friends and family.
• Stay positive and help explain to your foster child why they are moving on. By remaining optimistic, you are communicating this is a positive step and one that should be embraced.
• Create a plan for life for them. This is especially important if your foster child is leaving home completely and moving to university or taking their first steps of independence. The plan may include reminders of their goals, aspirations and the direction they want to take in life. Leaving them with this helps to frame the experience of leaving in a good light, as well as a memento so they have something to remember you by.
• Celebrate the ending – this could be going out for a meal, or making a memory book for example. It’s important for your child to remember the positive times and what you have enjoyed together while being part of each other’s lives.